Phil apparently thinks I shouldn't go private (as is evident by his comment and our lengthy discussion on the chances of being stalked online from my blog). I haven't decided yet...
In other news I am stoked for the holiday season. It's fun to see everyone and have an excuse to spend some real time together. The sad news is that I seem to be the lone child this Thanksgiving. My brother and his wife are staying in Wisconsin. Phil is in Africa, and all of his siblings will miss Thanksgiving too! Kind of sad...but Christmas should be all the more exciting.
I have decided that I will attempt to make a Thanksgiving dinner for Phil when he gets back...since he won't get one in Africa. I'll have to let you know how that goes. It all makes me nervous, but I've got to tame the domestic goddess in me sometime!
I miss Phil a lot. I need to put in a request that Exxon take a little break in sending him to Africa. It turns out that I'm NOT one of those wives that thinks it's a nice break when their husband leaves. NOT AT ALL! The good news is when he gets back we'll have 2/3 trips that we know about done! The other good news is that we're both anxiously awaiting a time when we can use his bajillion frequent flier miles and fly me over to Paris for a little vacation on his way back home! To date the only other country I've been to is Mexico.
Speaking of which Phil and I went on a little trip to Monterrey, Mexico after her got back from Africa last month! It was a lot of fun! We used some frequent flier miles and had a nice quick and cheap vacation! Phil wanted to go someplace where we could hike a lot (since he had been couped up on an oil rig for so long). We definitely hiked a lot and saw some fun stuff! (refer to facebook album to see pictures....I'm not on my computer at the moment.) The most memorable moment for me was when I got attacked by a camel on our "safari".
Okay and finally, this has been plaguing me a bit lately. I'll start by saying I know eventually I want to have kids, and I hear it will be the most wonderful thing I can do. Hard...but wonderful. And as a Latter-Day Saint I know that my family will be eternal and never ending. So I know Heavenly Father wouldn't reward any of us with an eternity of having kids if it won't be the happiest eternity possible.
Having said that...it terrifies me to think that the happiest I can be is with kids. It also worries me that I honestly have no desire to have a kid right now. I know a lot of that is selfishness...but part of it is that I'm missing that warm gushy feeling that I think normal people feel when they think about having a child. Maybe I'm thinking about it too much, but it scares me. I know I'll try my darndest...I just hope I'll be a good mom.
7 comments:
OKAY, so I read this over and over and am a bit confused???Are you PREGO or NOT? I am giddy to think of you having a little babe of your own. But don't want to assume that you are just cause you said you hoped you would be. But to mee this means you ARE?!?!?!?Either way just know that you will be a great mom. You have a great head on your shoulders and have a supportive husband, and family that I'm sure would help you get through any challange parenting brings upon you. There are no rules to follow you just make them up as you go!(Okay, maybe you should have an idea of how you want to raise your kiddo) Your good at acting so the kids will never know if you are "GOOD" or "BAD" and as long as you love them you will do Great! It is natural to feel nervous about the thought of children. Most people aren't as responsible as you and burry those feelings with the joyous idea of a cute little baby to hold. Makes me sad to think you have to spend Thanksgiving without your family. My Mom and Mike aren't having a meal this year for the first time too. Everyone will be in diffent places so we will just be getting together for Christmas. It gets to be harder when everyone has in-laws. Especially now that not everyone is in Manhattan. PS Cute Blog...and if you go private can I stay on you list of readers? I went through the private battle in my head too. I still think about it sometimes.
0MG! It scares the crap out of me too. I'm not getting those warm and fuzzies about kids yet either, but we're just gonna go for it anyway. I figure, Heavenly Father wouldn't ask us to do something that would make us unhappy or that would be the wrong thing, so i'm mostly going on faith here. I'm not saying I'm pregnant, cause I'm not, yet. But when I do become preggers it will be a strictly going on faith thing. So, I totally know how you feel.
Kathleen, please don't feel selfish about not wanting to have children yet. (of course, I too am confused about your wording: are you pregnant or not?) Evens and I really were going to wait 4 or 5 years, but Heavenly Father had other plans, obviously. If you are meant to have kids, it will happen whether you want it to or not... can you say Virgin Kathleen? anyway. It's not selfish to want to wait to have kids- they really do change your life in every single way imaginable and you have to be completely ready and willing to sacrifice all of your dreams and plans in order to have kids. So do what you want with your life before the kiddos come along-- it's ok, and you are not a bad mormon or even a bad mom-to-be for doing that! We love you!
Oh boy...sorry for the confusion...I'm not pregnant...at least that I'm aware of. I've just been around a lot of babies lately and it's made me wonder why I'm at such a different state of mind then my other friends.
Thanks for the encouragement! It's good to hear that I'm not alone and that other people don't think I'll fail!
Kathleen- I didnt know phil was in africa- i hear ya about missing the hubs when they are gone. i enjoy when ry goes to work- when i have things to do b/c i get more done naturally- but as soon as like 7 p.m. hits i want my hubster home!! =) Also- i really like how real you were about the baby thing. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Having a kid changes your life entirely- i say enjoy every moment with phil- and when the time is right you will feel a growing need for that new addition in your family. As long as your heart is in the right place( which it is!!!) the lord will bless you when its the right time =) i just want you to know i know you will be a great mom!! I know that because of how caring of a wife you are to phil.
Ok - What about this? We have a kid, don't tell anyone... and if we don't like it we just get rid of it? Sounds like a win-win!
Kathleen-
Yes, I am blog stalking you.....sorta? I ran across your blog through other blogs.
Anyway, I was reading this post and it made me laugh. I am exactly like you in terms of kids. I don't want them....there is no part that wants them right now. I enjoy my little one bedroom apartment, two cats, and jobs. I'm not frightened so much by the kids then by having to carry the kids for 9 months and then birthing them. After working in the nursery for 9 months and working with K-3rd graders at one of my jobs, kids are the last things on my mind. The kids at work ask me if I have any kids and I just tell them no and that they are my kids for now.
Anyway, I just thought you would like to know that you are not alone in terms of not wanting kids right now....I'm in that boat too.
-Laura Allred
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